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one more month to the end of my internship
having mixed feelings about it
love working with the teachers and most definitely the children
but i certainly do miss studying
the overload of information

i find myself becoming who i don't want to be
i know it but am not doing anything about it

there seems to be alot of things i need to do
many places i need to be in
but I can't make a decision for myself
or rather I don't want to make the decision

conflicted

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it has been quite a while since i have posted in here
and many things happened between now and then

time seems to pass really fast these days and to think that this time next year
i would have completed my poly, the feeling is surreal

what's in it for me after i graduate?
college or work?
the thought of going to college is indescribable.
it seems too soon and i feel like i am still in secondary school right now

caught up by work right now, trying to maintain a balance
and i always can't get enough of fun
sometimes i just feel like putting everything down and go to somewhere else

skeptical about many things
things that i thought would come naturally when i grow up
but that doesn't seem to be the case for me

wonder who will i be and where will i be five years down the road

the urge of going overseas gets stronger each day

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when i was young, i have always wanted to grow up ASAP
but now, i have grown up, i just want to be younger

its true that with age comes more responsibility
and it has made me realize many things about life
some really serious stuff
things that i probably will encounter in the future
and im certainly not prepared for it
instead of being prepared, im starting to feel sceptical about life
what i have went through the past few years, it was nothing as compared to what i will face
life will not be easy, it would be treacherous
im afraid. im scared. call me a coward.
call me childish. call me immature.
i would rather be a child.
exploring the world. making all the different connections

sometimes i just feel a sense of hopelessness
but sometimes i feel that there is much more to it
being optimistic is really crucial
how i wish there is an answer for everything

and it scares me

it made me look inwards
reflect upon myself

i feel disgusted
pride is overrated
i find it really hard to say sorry
for situations i really am sorry about
its not situations like when i bump into people or step own their feet
its situations when i have hurt them and when i was selfish

i wish for a sense of perspective right now

i guess all this is a part and parcel of growing up

pardon me as all my thoughts are all jumbled up

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awesome film.
definitely a tearjerker
absolutely on my re-watch list!

great cast
amazing storyline
inspiring message

albert and joey

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had an awesome night out at clarke quay
great way to usher in 2012

saw many things you probably wouldn't get to see on normal nights
maybe once in a year occurrence

random strangers talking to you
drunk but perfectly harmless
guys who wanna hang out
and
drunkards of all sorts

using hands to stop the other from puking
and then hanging the plastic bag on his ears
super hilarious

unforgettable way to start a new year
does it mean it is a predictor of a good year?

i certainly hope so.

amazing night!
should totally do it again!

thank you ladies. :D
hope he didn't have a real bad hangover!

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last day of camp tomorrow
dreading for it to happen
how i wish i could spend more time with the children

seeing the brothers talking more each and every day
is like an accomplishment
just when they are getting so comfortable
it has to end

A, V and F
you guys cheer me up and I look forward to work everyday
playing I-spy with you guys
F being the koala bear
A calling me Teacher Ballerina
V eating his apple in the certain manner
its like an attachment I have with you people
recalling all these memories and looking back, it just brings a smile to my face and warms my heart
so sad that it is all gonna end
and its even worst to know that you all are going back
so i will probably never see all of you again

i really love the days we spent together
wish we had more

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went to check out A&F on wednesday
there were so many people there
anticipating to take photos with the models
and i thought i would be excited too
but yet, i just stood there and looked
the feeling was so surreal, like seeing shirtless guys standing there
and letting you take pictures with them

yes, there were cute and they were indeed very sweet
but i felt that it was just plain wrong
the feeling wasn't right
and so i just stood there and helped my friends take pictures
though i did take one or two pictures, i felt so wrong
for no apparent reason
i know it's their job
but looking at them having to oblige everything is just heartache for me
i do not know anyone of them personally
but if i did, i think the feeling will be different

some of them look really tired and i feel for them
their expression when some fanatic girls just go in front of them
the fake smile they always have to put up with
and i admire those whose smile looks so genuine
but i think deep inside they are completely drained out
no doubt they enjoy the fame and attention
i would like to think that at least one of them couldn't stand being there
some girls were just plain rude
like, hello, they are not your slaves, if you want them to carry you,
can't you at least say please?
and can't you tell that their faces were kind of reluctant and they are exhausted?
rain or shine, they have to be there, without any shirts and pants that are so low,
which some of them kept trying to pull up

i don't know why this stirred up so much emotions in me,
but i think at least the models should be treated with more respect
and the fact that they are so sweet, answering to your questions and being so friendly,
don't they at least demand some respect?

maybe i passed the phase of physical attraction,
at least for the body part,
because i feel that if they were to put their shirts on,
maybe i would take photos with them?
but still, i think it is really degrading
people treating them like a statue,
and worst still,
a human statue, who keeps posing for the camera.

this doesn't mean that they are unprofessional,
they really are, the best that anyone can be
i think having to put up smile and
letting some stranger hug you and do nonsensical stuff is an extraordinary feat

it is the mental barrier you have to overcome
to me, it is the most difficult and challenging barrier to overcome
and people might say it is an easy job,
and they get to fly like half-way around the world and
their job is just to stand there and take photos.
initially, it might be fun,
but it is really tired, both mentally and physically

didn't expect myself to think that way
certainly didn't expect myself to have such strong opinions
about strangers i don't know
this is just my opinion,
im sure some models really enjoy the limelight and their job,
and i totally respect that

thank you very much for having to bear with all the crazy stuff that people make you do
though i strongly feel that you have the right to say NO with some of the absurd requests you get
felt so sorry for you guys

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it has been an eventful 11 months
met many great people
and learned many things about myself

had a few relapses
glad to know that they were temporary
still wondering when will i be fully cured of it
apparently a friend told me that there isn't any cure
i guess time is the key here

i made some decisions which i have foreseen myself regretting
yet i still went on with with it
what's wrong with me?
is it because of fear?

i hope that i would be more courageous
and sometimes rash
instead of considering on all aspects
because i might just be thinking too much
and it is bringing me down
taken its toll on me

i guess i have to change that about myself

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i find myself smiling to the picture pasted on my wall.
i think its so crazy to like somewhere who i have never met before.
spyridon.
i miss the way you smile
and how you put your hands to your head when you made a boo boo
those images are still vivid in my head.

but what are the odds i will see him in person?
one in a trillion. i suppose.

i realize it wasn't just a rebound
maybe it started that way
but it certainly isn't now.

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it has been two weeks since i got back from florida
and life just goes on isn't it?

realised many things when i was there
its like a self-awakening journey
i start thinking about things i have never thought before
contemplating my life choices
discovered that i made many choices that i should not have made